I’ve learned a few things over the past 6 months. And not about outdoor gear or survival techniques or even healthy cooking and baking. About weddings.
Here’s what happens. You get engaged. You VERY briefly enjoy that amazing phase. The planning somehow sneakily begins…and does not end until (I am guessing) the moment you leave for the honeymoon.
Here we are, waist deep in wedding planning with a date just under 2 months out. And all we can think is, where has our hiking time gone? When will we fish? Where do we fit in a bike ride? It’s not that we don’t fit it in…on occasion. We DO want to look good for this wedding, after all.
We’re sane people. We have taken wedding planning as calmly and in as laid back a manner as possible. But, that said, I laughed when my friends who were married earlier this year said, “I don’t care how laid back you are, you WILL cry during this process” – and then they showed me. Cried twice, yelled once, was yelled at once and overall have felt so much more stress than I ever thought possible!
I know it’s all because I have high expectations of myself, of creating an event that is true to our values, our style and our overall vibe – and I’m lucky in that very little of that expectation comes from sources outside of me and HT. Our parents are nothing but supportive (though they questioned our guest list at times) and have basically stated their hands-off support of our plans – offering hands when we decide to delegate. It’s generally worked out well…but it’s meant a lot of work.
We’ve deemed 2014 the “Year of Love”. We attended 4 weddings rapid-fire at the beginning of the summer, had to decline invites to two, and will attend at least one more before ours in October.
Let’s just say we’ve been taking notes…and the weddings that impressed us the most had a few things in common. We’ve decided to prioritize a few key areas in planning our own wedding, and people love lists so let’s call it…
Our Top 5 Priorities in Planning Our Wedding:
A ceremony that screams “I was selected from a list of 3 options presented by the officiant” tends to feel like an exercise in going through the motions. The weddings that struck us the most had music that felt personal, traditions that felt grounded in something real for that couple, and religious elements that truly seemed to resonate with the bride and groom. One thing we were reminded of over and over was the impact of writing your own vows. Rest assured, ours will be original. My mom’s wedding featured an interpretive dance and let me tell you, no one questioned the authenticity of that performance!
2. Feed the People.
I swear I am going to start packing Bobo’s Oat Bars in my wedding clutch. Why is it that on more than one occasion, we ended up eating three slices of wedding cake out of pure hunger? Our takeaway…food need not be fancy if it A) tastes good and B) there’s plenty of it. Now don’t get me wrong – there are exceptions to my observations. One amazing Summer of Love wedding in BK featured spectacular farm-to-table, extremely intentional and gorgeous food. There, we did not leave hungry or less than impressed by any course, “fancy funfetti” cake included. A friend’s wedding in Canandaigua featured fried, salted spaghetti at the bar. Yum. There are a million ways to go with food, but HT and I agree, feed the people, and let them eat cake.
3. Speaking of Cake.
Wedding cakes can be gorgeous, but they’re not for us. Never a couple to skip a good treat (when it’s been earned with a hike, of course), we put flavor over fancy when it comes to desserts, so the traditional, hulking, towering cake, precariously transported and occasionally dry and tasteless, though impeccable, is not our pick for the special day. We’re working on desserts that taste great and make you drool to look at them… and there may be ginger snaps.
4. Forget Tradition for Tradition’s Sake. Not one of the weddings we attended this summer featured a bouquet toss, or a garter toss, or tossing of rice or birdseed or lavender or anything else Pinterest suggests. And guess what, everyone survived! We say, toss traditions and expectations that mean nothing to you, keep the ones that do. Thus, we’ll have a father-daughter dance but we’ll skip the receiving line. We’ll cut the cake, but only so we can eat it! Every element that makes it to our wedding will be the product of thoughtful intention to include it by choice. Nothing is assumed, and we love that when our upstate NY, Carharrt wearing “wedding planner” says “now where would you like us to place the arbor” we can say, “what arbor, we don’t want an arbor, we have these gorgeous pine trees, and each other. That’s all the backdrop we need.” We’re doin’ it our way and it seems to be working.
5. Take Care of Your Guests, but Remember They Are (mostly) Grown Adults
HT and I keep falling into a trap where we realize that one or the other of the two of us is getting stressed out and wrapped up in where our guests will be staying, who is staying with whom, how they ‘ll get there or when they’ll arrive. Then we take turns reminding each other that we can only give the people the info they need; we cannot force them to follow through, show up or confirm their reservations. At the end of the day, with the exception of the kids we’ve invited ( and we’re psyched there will be kids!) – these people are trusted adults who can manage themselves, and we have to trust them to do so – we have enough going on!
Don’t get me wrong. We’ve enjoyed much of the planning process and we’ve slashed and vetted so many elements of the “modern wedding” that didn’t feel right or necessary for us. But an intentional, authentic, personal wedding takes time and effort to create. We’ve said to each other many times, we love and anticipate our wedding, as it’s shaping up, but it’s a good thing we love each other even more. It will be a refreshing, welcome change to just be two married people, enjoying each other again when this is said and done.
Stay tuned and I just might share some photos…wedding porn, as my dear Colombian Cuz knows I like to call it.